News that’s Made In SA

We spent our first night in the new house last night, I went to bed content after being screwed by STEERS, after an afternoon of moving bits and pieces before we took up residency, I suggested to princess that we get take a ways as the stove hadn’t been connected and the fridge was no where to be found.

While princess hung curtains, so my naked demi god like figure wouldn’t get the neighbours heated and frothing and eventually screaming, every time I fell out the shower.

 I went in search of a flame-grilled hamburger of note with chips from Steers.

I stood mouth watering in the queue of one person, and placed my order salivating at the surrounding menu boards, I coughed up R75 bloody Rands (say raaaaands) for two burgers and chips! WTF?

Ok so my mind did a quick calculation on current interest rates, cost of fuel, electricity and the likes, it seemed fair for a good burger!  By now I was starting to feel and look like an Ethiopian after a 20yr drought, I was ready to eat anything, not giving a damn if it once crawled, swam or flew and had been lying next to a national road for two weeks!

After a brief eternity of like 25 minutes the aunty behind the counter called my number, and then shouted at the back room staff for something or other, my food was ready! I did a snatch and grab that would have made a Russian weightlifter rip his rods in fear and left the building like Elvis, but a hell of a lot faster and with less smell!

On arrival at home, I summoned princess from her curtain-hanging mission to join the feast!

WTF?

I open the box to find an emaciated looking roll just barely resting on a brown something or other that could easily have been dog shite in its last life! I open the roll to expose it’s innards to discover one lonely slice of tomato, two piss willy little slices of what could have been a garden slug, but Princess assured me it was a gherkin, and some pinkish looking liquid that might or might not have been sauce!

And nicely squashed in the same box where exactly 17 chips! YES I bloody counted them!

WTF?

 Thirty seven bloody F%^$ RANDS for a piece of brown dog shite, a stale roll, two slices of green slug, 17 bloody stale chips and a piece of tomato the slug had been eating before it got sliced and made to lie patiently on the brown dog shite!

But I was hungry! So I did the fear factor thing and shut down my gag reflex, closed my eyes and bit bravely into the offered offering, from what is supposed to be the doyen of flame grilled burgers, Bloody hell I suddenly remembered the reason I had NOT been to or near a steers for close on 7yrs, forgive me but something 7yrs ago caused me never to darken their door step again, The memories and the nausea came flooding back at that exact moment.

It was firstly the Price of their food (could have fed 23 starving Zimbabweans) the pathetic presentation (polystyrene! don’t they know it’s not eco friendly or biodegradable), the taste of cardboard that had been partially burnt (flame grilled my ass!) the service (damn near became a pensioner waiting) and as for the free shag, that’s another story as I paid for the bloody thing and it wasn’t even presented with a smile! Or dinner and a movie!

KFC and Scooters will from now on, be my place of patronage should I ever I feel the need to indulge in high cholesterol or second hand cooking oil! At least, at their reasonable prices I can live with the flatulence and health risks! (THANKS to aqua Joe for the graphic info on the flatulence)

REMEMEBER CHILDEREN STEER WELL CLEAR OF STEERS!!

PEACE !!!

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Oh so you found that this blog has been a little stagnant for a while…

Why? i have found a new place to blog.

Why? little or no traffic here,

Why? people reading blogs here dont have the balls to leave a comment even if is just to criticise or complement the writer.

Why? im avoiding a bunch of fickle readers who frequent this blog every so often….. more every so and less often!

Why? where i am now people take time to welcome you, support you and are tolerant of  the ignorant.

Peace!!! off!!!

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Happy Friday and all and all…

Was just thinking this morning, while on the throne faxing an urgent peace brokering deal to my dear old friend Sir Gabriel Robert Mugabe. You see Bob and I go some way back, even though the rude bugger won’t acknowledge my friendship request on face book, we still mates. Bob, I think is a little miffed at Made In SA as a few weeks back I put together and masterminded a little plot of sort to put Bob into his very own plot, six feet under! I tried by all means to secure a financial donor who would be in a position to fund my little venture to Rhodesia to exterminate a very large rat that had infested the halls of parliament.

A while back I wrote up a master plan to give Bob a little headache as he was exiting his official residence, see:

http://ntmisa.blat.co.za/2008/06/21/i-had-a-dream/

Unfortunately due to financial constraints (read nobody wanted to help) I had to shelve my little plan to be the new best friend of the “When We’s”, until I had raised the cash to fund my visit. HEY are there ANY DONORS HERE? Just asking!

With all this nyaga nyaga about some president getting fired and some other people resigning due to some or other problem in parliament, I see the media has nothing else but the hiring and firing of ministers to report on? WTF?

Has all crime come to a halt while parliament remakes its bed? Surely not?

OR have all the criminal types taken leave of their deviant behaviour till they know for sure that some newbie in parliament isn’t suddenly going to reintroduce the death penalty over night?

I await with baited breath the winds of change, Hopefully they will be sweet and carry a true democracy for us all, and not just some clouded, blinker covered, shortsighted view of some foreskin, who would gladly sell his own mother if he knew who she was to fund his own political agendas.

PEACE!!

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Heya, Sawubona, Dumela, Molo, Gooie more, Gotso, Lotsha, Eish that’s all I know!

Hope all enjoyed heritage day? Did you all put some nyama on the braai, have some friends rounds, partake of the hooligan juice?

I only got to throw some meat on the braai late in the evening, as my day of heritage consisted of something a little worse than a full frontal lobotomy with a rusty coat hanger performed by Nkosizane Zuma after a heavy bout of drinking, I MOVED HOUSE!

Maybe I should rather say I “Practised moving” as I have to do all over again on Monday!

Princess and I slaved our bums off, cleaning, packing, painting, sweeping and sweating, all sort of went a lot better once the first Millers was cracked.

I’ve since discovered its not cool to drink and paint at the same time, I moered of the ladder while holding a tin of paint while trying to reach for my bottle of mother’s milk. Lucky I didn’t spill the paint on the floor as I managed to carefully pour it as I fell onto my self instead, and for those that are worried No! I didn’t spill the Millers!

Princess, the master of all things spotless and well placed cast a beady and shouted instructions at the labour, yours truly.

I gathered my prized collection of orchids and lovingly migrated them to their temporary shelter before any other trivial possession was moved. The puppy, all 60kgs of him didn’t know whether he was coming or going, so he was put in charge of babysitting Roxy our adopted stray bunny rabbit, the two of them sat mournfully together comforting each other while their little worlds were thrown into disarray. The puppy, in case some are curious is a ten-year-old Mastiff cross Boer bull male, who just happens to love all creatures big and small. It’s actually hard to believe such a big dog can be so gentle, but my boy is a softie who loves his little “sister” irrespective if she is only a little bunny rabbit.

By 5pm we were done in more ways than one! The new tenants arrived to fetch the keys, Princess and I called all things associated with moving by some very foul language, cracked a bottle of red wine, lit the fire, sat down to chill and thought very little of Heritage day, Except we wouldn’t forget this one for a while!

 PEACE!  

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